It is not unusual to feel angry with your partner while in the midst of a divorce. Even if you and your ex-wife agreed that divorce was the best option so that both of you can move forward, feelings of blame, guilt or shame are common. These emotions, though completely normal, can get in the way while you try to make the best decisions for your future.

How can you work through your anger so that you can work with your ex-wife instead of against her?

Tips for coping with anger

Many men are not sure of how to handle anger towards an ex-wife, especially if conversations about custody issues or financial decisions become argumentative during the divorce process. You do not need to give in or agree to things that you do not want, but you should work to make sure that your anger is not getting in the way of the discussion. Here are some ideas for coping with anger in a healthy way:

  1. Avoid speaking badly about your ex-wife. It is absolutely understandable that you may want to talk about your frustrations with your ex-partner’s actions or behavior. Yet constantly talking about her faults or flaws can create a negative feedback loop that just makes you feel worse. For a productive way to deal with that anger, share your emotions with a trained counselor or write them down in a journal.
  2. Create a plan for letting off steam after tough conversations. If a negotiation is getting tense or heated, make sure you have a way to let out that excess energy afterward. Exercise, organized sports or taking advantage of Anchorage’s outdoor beauty can all be great ways to offset the adrenaline rush after a difficult encounter with your ex-wife.
  3. Focus on rebuilding, not revenge. “Getting back” at your ex-wife for the pain of the divorce will never be as satisfying as it may seem. Pour that energy into new plans for your future rather than rehashing the past.

You may never forgive your ex-spouse, but you can work past that anger so it does not control your divorce.